Saturday, October 16, 2010

Stick a fork in me

So, not really sure if I posted about this yet or not because my short term memory is S.H.O.T.  Why? I have no clue.  I thought at first it was fibro but this is insane. I think I am repeating myself multiple times so if I already blogged this, you may silently close the window now haha.

So I went to Kaiser Sunset last week (was it last week?) and saw an immune specialist.  Well SPECIFICALLY one who has a patient with CVID AND lung disease.  My mom went with me.

SIDE TRACK:  For those of you who are actually reading this.....the fact my mom took me was scary.  We have had a rocky relationship, well, always.  I love her but we have had to spend time apart because, well, no one gets me, especially my family.  Years of being called drama queen, hypochondriac, etc. So I have always taken care of myself with this illness.  Short stints of friends helping out during really BAD times!  So needless to say an entire army of people were praying for this trip!

Ok back on track before I completely forget what I was blogging about haha.  First off, my mom did really good and did NOT eat an entire bottle of Xanax on the way.  Can I get a WOOT WOOT for Onstar???

So we get there and the doc and he looks me over really good, I give him a complete history then he pushes away from  his computer and looks at us and says "you have a VERY serious lung disease and I need to send you to National Jewish Hospital in Colorado".                                            <------- that is the silence that followed his statement.  I look at mom and her mouth is wide open, moving like a goldfish who is gasping out of the water.  I said "Well God Mom (I might have called her Judy) I'm not going to die" then look back at the doc and said "am I"?  He said no but repeated how serious this is.  My mom finally got out the words "I have always rolled my eyes at her, I thought she was a drama queen".  Wait! Whaaaaa??? Did she just say that outloud?????? I almost cried.  It was worse than that but I'll take any kind of acknowledgement honestly.

So we drive home just sort of going back and forth over what to do, who will go, she doesn't want me to work (because she specifically asked and he said no - hehe I'll show 'em) and at the end, we were still lost.

I've been back at work for 2 weeks now.  Hard, doesn't even begin to explain.  The fatigue is something I never have experienced.  Ok ok I know I may have said that when they dx me with Valley Fever but this time I'm serious damit!  Ok I'm done whining.  My mom calls me the day after and tells me my sister is putting $100 on my child's lunches so I can stop feeling like the worst mom in the world about feeding my child cereal every night.  Huge, monumental.  I email sis and thank her, ask if mom is OK, she said "well she feels really bad for not believing how sick you really were". WTF? Ok someone is pretending to be my mom right lol.  I said, and I meant it, well I'm not mad, as long as she believes me now, thats all that matters.  Then my mom tells me she will come help me around the house once a week so I can cook and freeze food and get some rest because I insist on working.

Fast forward to last Wednesday.  I see my local lung doc who is now freaking out and wants to do an open lung biopsy STAT!  I say no way, I was told no more till I get to Colorado.  He said ok.  THEN I start asking questions.  What the hell is it called?  GLILD - Granulomatous (confirmed) Lymphocitic (unconfirmed, makes it really bad) Interstitial Lung Disease.  Check.  Will it kill me? We don't know, I suppose it could.  We (docs) just don't know that much about it Kelli.  Ok, half a check. What can happen to me?  You can end up on oxygen.  What the he??  Wow.  TMI,  I guess it is pretty bad.  I'll keep ya'll updated, I promise, one way or another ;)

1 comment:

  1. Not that you are glad to be sick but to be happy that someone recognizes your illness!!!!

    My family is the same way just about... I was always the giver, the pillar of the family, helped everyone else but myself...and now that I have chronic conditions, they think that I am a hyperchondriac becuase I used to do so much blah blah. They say I am too young to have so many condtions. One day I got fed up and said, "You guessed it!!! I went to the chronic conditions hand out building, applied and won!! Yes I asked for all of them!!"

    They just looked at me and stared LOL!!!!