I sit here this morning with a heavy heart. My beautiful little girl who is 7, lied to my face today.....again. I feel betrayed as if it was a personal attack on me. On my moral compass. In addition to the act of lying, then I have the horrid guilt of her having to start her school day off with yelling and a lecture AND a warning that I will have to spank her butt when she gets home.
Let's back up a little. I am overly moral. I know you all are shaking your head saying "oh this is a good thing. One can't be too moral". Yes they can trust me. I don't know WHY I am this way but I am. It is extreme. One of my ex boyfriends loves to call me the moral police. Now, couple this with a hot temper and the uncanny ability of being able to argue well. Now, wanna rethink being overly moral is ok? Fine here is an example: my ex boyfriend had some pain medication. He also had a roommate who helped herself to it and finished off several bottles of it without 1. needing it and 2. ever asking permission. So what do I do? I started an argument with him about how she was a THIEF. I mean we argued about it. I argued my case in multiple ways. I believed she should have been banished from his house. How dare her take advantage of him, he needed those pain meds (surgery). Needless to say we didn't speak for awhile.
Now fast forward. I do not lie...ever. Not to save my butt, get out of a tough situation, avoid an argument. Never. Well ok I will tell a WHITE lie when it comes to someones cooking. I cannot stand to hurt someones feelings on PURPOSE gees! I try to avoid it by saying something positive like "oh I loved that you used garlic in this dish" haha! So when the child I was in labor with for 24 hours lies to my face....when I catch her red handed after she dumped her chocolate soy milk with her medicine down the drain and she tried to wipe up the evidence...when this pretty little girl whom I would jump in front of a bus for lies to my face...I tend to take it a little hard. What have I done wrong? Is it too late? Where did she get this from? I thought kids learned by example damit! Who told me that? They. Were. Wrong.
I have tried everything to help my child see that lying will bring no good to the human race. I have yelled. I have lectured. I have calmly explained that lying will only cause her friends to not like her nor trust her. I have punished, taken away prized babies, grounded. NOTHING IS WORKING! Today, I told my child I was ashamed of her. My heart sunk when I said those words. I could literally feel my heart in my stomach. Then I told her no ipod for one week, no tv for two days and she will get a spanking when she gets home. The worst part of all of this? The utter GUILT I felt for my baby having to start her day off like this. Kills me even as I am writing this. Of course I told her how much mommy still loves her no matter what as she left the car.
Another very important factor in all of this - I HATE spanking. Despise it. Swore I would never do it unless it was something extreme like playing with matches. I was spanked with everything you can think of as a child: wooden spoons, fly swatters, shoes, brushes, boy you name it. At my age, I think we all got spanked with things back then huh? Go get a switch off the tree type of thing lol. I, however, swore that I never would unless absolutely necessary. I would not continue the pattern of whacking my child for every minor offense in life. And for the most part I have lived up to that. I have had to spank her when all other things have failed. I must admit I spanked out of anger twice I believe. I try extremely hard to not ever spank out of anger. 99% of the time I spank, I explain why and swat only on the butt and only 2 or 3 swats. NOW my little girl will start crying and telling me "mama don't do it you know you hate spanking me and it will only break your heart and make you cry". Clever little thing huh? She is right. She has seen me cry after spanking her. I told you I hated it and rarely do it. All my friends think I should be spanking all the time. No. No no.
If anyone out there has any ideas on the whole lying thing, please let me know. I've read her books on this as well. Nothing is sticking people. She see's a counselor as well for the stress of me being sick. This is obviously top priority so the whole lying thing hasn't really been addressed with him. I need some real life suggestions. I know kids lie but I am failing. I am obviously not teaching her to not lie.