Just...Breathe

About 8 months ago my life suddenly got...difficult.  Saying that is sort of funny because I am a single mom, I work full time and I have a Primary Immune Deficiency.  So, for me to say that it got hard enough to be considered difficult must be bad right? Right.  In June of 2010 I got sick.  Ok ok I know I have been talking about it but not really sure if I have covered how long I have been sick.  Since June people....of 2010! It started as fatigue, like choose to brush your hair or your teeth before you go to work fatigue.  I kept going to work, shaking it off.  June 18, 2010 after a meeting at work, I left saying I would be back in a day or two.  It is now almost March of 2011.  I went out for 6 weeks with supposed Valley Fever and went back to work.  I got sicker, and sicker and sicker.  During these few months I was back at work, my hair fell out, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I lost weight, couldn't remember things.  It. Was. Bad.  I went out again in the end of October.  Then in January, well I finally received my diagnosis and talk about it here and a little more in depth here.

Here's the thing...last week I was sitting in my daughters counselors office ranting...yes I admit I was ranting, about HOW I HAD to get Jalen lined out and listening NOW because I was getting ready to start taking mass amounts of steroids and I didn't want to freak out on her.  It was at this moment that I was given perhaps some of the best advice I could have ever been given at that VERY moment. The counselor told me to just...get through it.  Huh? Can you repeat that? He said sure, let me break it down: If lil Miss Jalen wants to go to school with her hair all GHETTO, then let her.  Don't lose your mind over it.  If she wants to be mismatched, paddy whacked, dressed like a FOO...then let her.  Just. Get. Through. This.

Could it really be so easy?  Its kind of like the "fake it till ya make it" theory that I used to apply to smoking.  I quit smoking no less than 10 times.  When I would start slipping I would..."fib".  Not really lie, just, with hold. I was faking it damit until I could make it!  No one needed to know each time I failed because if anyone knows me they know I already beat myself up way worse than anyone else ever could!  This could be the key to get through the hell of the steroids, the Devil Drug, Satan's Substance.  If I could feel like I was actively participating in getting through this, like I was DOING something...it may work.  All I have to do is remember to breathe.

So what may have started my fractured, nonsense, venting little blog tonight you may ask? I was watching a movie called The Backup Plan with Jennifer Lopez.  It was SO funny!  On a side note, I have NO FREAKING idea who is rating these movies PG-13 but they should be fired.  Oh and side note 2 I had to explain what artificial insemination was to my 7 year old mister person who USED to rate movies! Gawd! Reeling back into the story...in the end...I was crying.  It's a comedy.  Errrrr so I guess thats the steroids?

The crying got me to thinking "hey what the hell am I crying for"?  Because I needed to laugh.  I needed to relate.  I needed to connect.  I NEED to connect.  I need to have some drinks and let my hair down and laugh.  I need to laugh.  I need to breathe.  I just have to remember to breathe and just get through this.

If this post has helped one person retain their sanity then my work on earth is done.  Amen.

Special K