Monday, December 6, 2010

What about the children

I started this blog for me.  Not to be selfish.  Not to boast.  Not to whine.  I think of this as more of a journal, if you will.  I have lots of things bouncing around in my noggin all the time.  Things I think are funny, interesting, and most of all helpful.  Things I LOVE to share, if there are people who are interested.  The downfall?  Being forced to read my random thoughts.

I have noticed a trend lately and it is deeply disturbing to me.  Men are walking away from their children.  Yes you read that right.  Walking away.  Choosing to do the whole "I need to do me" attitude.  Telling me it was for their own sanity, couldn't handle the kids or, the kids will be ok while they move away.  Today, I was told they believed their ex was a danger to their kids by drinking and smoking in front of them, so they would ask the judge for more time.  More time NOT custody.

These are decent, hard working, smart, active parents.  People I have known collectively, for years.  What is happening to our society?  Is there really a change or have men just never been able to handle that role that we, as mothers, so easily take on?

I honestly think, after grilling these men, that they simply do no have that bond that we do.  They do not "get" that you can't choose to just "do me".  Well I say they can't chose to but they are.  They are allowed to.  We, as women, are allowing them to.  This is NOT ok.  One of my friends told me he had to give his boys back for his health and so he wouldn't hurt them.  NOT that he would ever hurt them, he was just insinuating he was at his wits end.  This I get.  Whoever reads this and is a parent and doesn't relate, is lying.  Sorry I had to say it. So this friend, gave his children back to their mother.  The one who's boyfriend, beats their ass and smokes dope in front of them.  I was appalled and I told him so.  Um I am suffering from multiple illnesses and you don't see me dropping my kid off at the nearest fire station.  So why can I "handle" it and he can't?

My other friend just opted to move to Texas.  Who knows why.  My personal opinion?  Running.  But you know what they say about opinions.  He has a degree, young, black, smart, handsome and unemployed.  Has been for over a year.  Had a job that was physically too hard on him and quit.  So, here he moved to Texas with no job, no plan, not even registered at school and left behind a 13 year old girl and a little boy.  I gave the girls age because it is so relevant.  Talk about feelings of abandonment huh?  But - he needs to do "him".  Of course I voiced my opinion about this as well.

Lastly, my other buddy.  Taking his ex to court.  Wants more time with his kids.  Great dad, very involved.  So instead of hiring a lawyer, he's going on his own to save money.  Hmmm why risk it honestly? It means that much yet you won't pay for a lawyer? Whatever.  Then he starts telling me the ex now has a DUI, her and the boyfriend drink every night, they smoke in front of the children and he wants receipts proving where the child support he paid, went.  So, if they are in such a risky situation, why not ask for custody?  Well he just wants more time with them.  My opinion? Ah never mind lol I informed him it is his parental obligation that if his children are in a dangerous house, he needs to get custody.  NOPE he just wants more time...and less child support.  He won't pull his son out of high school.  Ok so you tell me they have no food, mom is spending all the money on liquor, chain smoking in the house with them, and you aren't taking them them away? WTF?

People, bare with me.  These are good friends of mine.  All of them.  So please don't say "pick new friends" because honestly, I don't know any men, not ONE, that could handle it alone, with zero help from a mom or sister or girlfriend.

Can someone please tell me what in the hell is going on?  Why can our men not handle the responsibility? The pressure? Why are our children only #1 to us mothers?  I went into dam hiding with my child and my buddy is moving to Texas because he can't find a job he likes and is abandoning his children in the process?????

I work very very hard to try not to be judgmental.  I really worry about these children. They are our future.  They did not have a choice in all of this.  Is it NOT our priority to meet their needs first and then our own? What am I missing.  This whole post makes me so mad, sad, worried...all at the same time.  God help us all.


  1. Are these God-fearing Christian men? If not, then there is the answer right there.

    If they are, then they need to have an in depth talk with God and put their life in priority according to what the Bible says.

  2. Kelli, you are a girl after my own heart...i could go on and on about this subject. You are so "real" and "honest" when you write from your heart. I love this about you. I worked in a special ed room and now work one on one with a child with autism. Most of these kids get labeled when the real reason is their is no one at home for them on a emotional and loving level. I swear these people bring precious babies into our world and think nothing about it! I have seen so much damage and it is heartbreaking. These children are left to be brought in a world just to repeat the sick cycle of abuse and abandonment. I have many stories about men leaving their children like this little child is not "real". You are a loving and caring person who is affected by this cycle of irresposibility also. I also do not get it and never will. I, too...wonder what will become of these dear souls that do ask to be brought into this world??? Ok...i better quit now...we can discuss this later...but, I love your heart of gold! :o) xo

  3. Rena the answer is yes, 2 of them are. In fact the one that moved out of state used to be a pastor. :(

  4. Thank you ladies for your comment. I was feeling so...hmm I dunno, off about this last night I had to just get it out of my head and heart. Thank you for listening.

  5. They should be ashamed of themselves, they have ashamed God! Just like King David said in the Bible, he shamed God when he took another man's wife.

    Thankfully the one "used to be" a pastor, he would have no right being behind a pulpit to instruct others when he was in need of help and outright sinning.